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  • Writer's pictureJustyna Kucharska

I am a woman and I own my sexuality

Updated: Jun 22, 2019

I am a woman and I own my sexuality.

Society doesn’t own my sex, health care doesn’t own my sex, church, porn industry, parents, children, my partner doesn’t, even when I want him to and even when he wants to, I still own my sex.


Whether I want it or not, I still own it. Whether I’m proud or ashamed of it - I still own it. Whether it’s like a beautiful house with fresh flowers and art or darkly broken ruin - it's still mine and I own it. And it’s mine, and it’s my flavor. It’s what I inherit and what I have put into it. The way it is now, dry or nourished... it’s mine.


I lost two amazing loving relationships because I didn’t know what to do with constant frustration and dissatisfaction in my own sex; until I owned it they could not do anything right. I didn’t know how to talk about it, I felt wrong and so ashamed of what was happening to me. I didn’t know how to speak my internal feelings and how to express it. I didn’t know how to teach him how to touch me. I didn’t know how to receive. I only knew how to run. And I ran.


I’ve opened up late, in my thirties only. In my twenties, I was all about love and intellect and all body instincts were primitive, below me. I felt pressured to be more sexual than I was. I felt not enough, behind, when my girlfriends were talking about positions I did not enjoy that. I felt disgusted and angry when I got married at 27 and received porn pictures from friends. I felt wrong that I am not that. I was all about love, children and being a good woman.


I really became sexual only in my thirties. Only in my thirties when, after years of trying for a baby, I let go of ticking boxes of what that meant to be a good woman. I let go of diets and constant food control, I started listening to my body and what it wants to eat. I let go of pleasing everyone else and started following my own calling, I let go of thinking when I walk into the room if they are happy with me and I started feeling into if I am happy with them. I let go of giving in order to receive and started to receive, and give because I love that. I started enjoying myself and everyone around me.


I have gone on the journey and found out what to do with my own sex. I stopped trading it for attention and started seeing it as a gift. I had to slow down and listen, I had to let go off of all pressure, performance, expectations, how it should look like, how it is not. I had to let go of approval for dissatisfaction and frustration as a daily norm. I had to let go of entitlement, I had to let go of indulging in “not enough” story. I had to receive. I had to admit what I wanted and speak out. No one did it for me. Even when I wanted to be rescued here - and I have found many rescuers. I had to do it myself. I have it now. It’s mine. I own it.


I am not a sex star I am not the big goddess in the sky, I am a real woman, with a woman’s hopes and disappointments, ambitions and pleasures, failures and successes. I am a real woman. I need to sleep, I need to eat, I need exercise, I need to serve with a purpose, I need beauty around me, I need creativity, I need variety, I need money, I need love and I need sex. When I have all those I am healthy, happy and available; when I’m missing one of those, I am not. I like to be the first one, healthy, happy and available. Only I (even when I want otherwise) am the one who is responsible to have those.

I am a woman and I own my sexuality.


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